We are all born with a natural love language that determines how we give and receive love.

Let’s unpack one of the five love languages of children, which is touch.

A grandmother of five grandchildren shared the following story with us about her eldest grandson, who has the love language of touch. As a toddler, he would ask his granny to tickle his legs before he could fall asleep for his afternoon nap. She would tell him her made-up stories in a monotone voice and tickle his legs until he dozed off.

This child is approaching his teenage years, and he still asks his mother to tickle his legs when they watch television programmes together, snuggled up on the couch. He is the big brother who hugs others easily and cuddles his two younger sisters.

These touch children crave closeness and physical affection. As babies and young children, they want to be held and cuddled most of the time, especially when they feel threatened or tired. Non-verbal acts of physical closeness make these children feel loved. One mom told us that she plants noisy kisses all over her little girl’s head that leads to giggles and a loved-up child. Children who are constantly in your space or who love touching your hair, show definite signs of the love language of physical touch.

These children love to sit on your lap, even as older children, with their heads snuggled closely to yours. They will insist on holding your hand and enjoy foot massages and ‘high fives’.

It is not good to withdraw affection and touch as a form of discipline with these children. Don’t ever withhold hugs or respond negatively in a physical way with these children during reprimands. Imagine what a spanking would do to this child. The effects of physical discipline on these children can be devastating and detrimental.

In his book, Dr Chapman recommends that children need to receive love in all five love languages, as we present varying forms of all the languages in our makeup. Keep in mind though, that your child’s primary ‘love bucket’ needs to be filled daily to help stave off lousy behaviour and strengthen familial connections, even if it means you have to cuddle up to a child thirty times a day and tell them how much you love them.

Fariha Mahmud-Syed, a psychotherapist has this to say about the love language of physical touch:

“People who communicate their appreciation through this language, feel appreciated when they are hugged, kissed, or cuddled. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes with physical touch.” 

‘Cuddle me’, ‘chase me, ‘hold me’ and ‘tickle me’ are phrases that are a sure sign that you have a child with the love language of physical touch. These children are very affectionate. A good wrestle with dad on the carpet will also fulfil the needs of the physical touch child. One family developed a special handshake for their physical touch child. They would squeeze his hand three times and he would walk away with a huge smile on his face.

Small, seemingly insignificant acts of cuddling and positive physical contact, works wonders to raise the self-esteem of these children.

Until next time,

Keep Sparkling!

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